History of Marriage

Marriage. It’s one of the most emotionally charged, culturally loaded, and religiously debated words in existence. Ask ten people what it means, and you’ll get ten answers, some rooted in love, others in law, some in tradition, and still others in theology.

But here’s the thing: marriage has never meant just one thing. Across time and cultures, it’s taken countless forms. In the Bible alone, we find a vast variety.

Let’s first take a look at how marriage has evolved across cultures and time.

Marriage Examples in the Bible

The Old Testament describes a wide range of marital arrangements:

• Polygamy: Jacob married two sisters (Genesis 29). King David had multiple wives and concubines to care for Saul’s widows (1 & 2 Samuel). King Solomon had hundreds (1 Kings 11:3).

• Levirate marriage: A widow was required to marry her husband’s brother to preserve family lineage (Deuteronomy 25:5–6).

• Marriage as transaction: Daughters could be given in marriage as part of economic or political exchanges, even as slaves (Exodus 21:7–11).

• Marriage after violation: The law allowed a man to marry the woman he had violated (Deuteronomy 22:28–29).

• Unusual pairings: Abraham married his half-sister Sarah (Genesis 20:12); Isaac’s wife was chosen by his father’s servant (Genesis 24). Ruth approached Boaz in a culturally charged act of vulnerability (Ruth 3).

• Marriage by divine command: God told Hosea to marry a prostitute as a living parable of divine faithfulness (Hosea 1:2).

• Royal coercion: Esther was taken from among young women to marry the Persian king after he discarded his previous wife (Esther 2).

New Testament Marriages are surprisingly not a major focus in the New Testament. Jesus never marries, nor does Paul, who even encourages singleness as a valid and even preferable calling for some (1 Corinthians 7). Marriages are rarely mentioned, except for a few:

• Joseph and Mary (Matthew 1; Luke 1–2): An arranged engagement, preserved despite unexpected pregnancy.

• Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5): A married couple unified in deceit—an example of shared purpose and immoral alignment.

• Peter and other apostles had wives, but their marriages are never mentioned or addressed (Matthew 8:14; 1 Corinthians 9:5).

• Priscilla and Aquila (Acts 18, Romans 16:3, 1 Corinthians 16:19, 2 Timothy 4:19): a highly respected husband-wife team, known for co-teaching and hosting churches in their home.

The Bible offers no single, consistent model of marriage. Instead, it presents a wide spectrum of marital arrangements, most shaped by the cultural norms of their time.

So let’s see what the Bible teaches about God’s design for marriage.

Marriage Before the 18th Century

A Social, Economic, and Political Institution

Marriage focused on property, alliances, inheritance, and social order until the 18th-19th century. It was about social stability, family arrangements and resource management. Not romance. That is why it was common, even in biblical times, that men had concubines on the side for romance, while the marriage was an arrangement. Love would sometimes grow out of these arranged marriages, but it wasn’t the reason nor was it necessary. Romantic and intellectual companionship was often sought outside of marriage, especially in male social circles.

It wasn’t until the 18th century Enlightenment period, that personal happiness and emotional fulfillment could be central to marriage. This was influenced by changing economic structures, increased individualism, and the writings of philosophers who emphasized personal rights and emotional connection.

For Procreation

For much of history, sexual pleasure was more openly pursued outside of marriage, while marital sex was framed as a necessity for reproduction, not joy. It wasn’t until recent centuries that society began to connect intimacy, pleasure, and love with the institution of marriage itself.

• Ancient Greece
  • Marriage was for producing legitimate heirs.
  • Men often sought sexual pleasure with courtesans (hetairai), slaves, or male lovers.
  • Wives were expected to be modest and obedient, not romantic partners.

• Ancient Rome
  • Marriage upheld family lineage and inheritance.
  • Sexual pleasure was often associated with slaves, prostitutes, or extramarital affairs.
  • Respectable women were supposed to be chaste and reserved.

• Ancient Israel
  • Marriage was about family continuation, tribal inheritance, and purity laws.
  • Sex was valued for procreation, and pleasure was acknowledged but rarely emphasized.
  • Polygamy and concubines were socially accepted for powerful men.

• Medieval Christian Europe
  • Strong influence from Augustine and early church fathers, who saw sex as tainted by original sin—even within marriage.
  • Procreation was considered the primary purpose of marital sex.
  • Celibacy was viewed as more holy than married life; pleasure was often viewed as a necessary evil.

• Medieval Islamic societies
  • Marriage was a contract for legal procreation and family structure.
  • Pleasure was acknowledged in Islamic law (and even encouraged between spouses), but extramarital sex through concubines was common for wealthy men.
  • Polygamy (up to four wives) was legal and used to manage social structure.

• Ancient China (Confucian societies)
  • Marriage was primarily for family lineage and filial duty.
  • Men sometimes maintained concubines for companionship or pleasure.
  • Women were expected to remain sexually reserved and loyal.

• Ancient India (Hindu tradition)
  • Marriage was a sacred duty (dharma), mostly centered on family roles and societal order.
  • Kama (pleasure) was one of the goals of life, but usually explored outside the marital procreation framework—e.g., through courtesans, as seen in texts like the Kama Sutra.

• Feudal Japan
  • Marriage was often arranged for political or family alliances.
  • Samurai men often had mistresses or visited pleasure districts.
  • Wives were responsible for household and lineage, not sexual fulfillment

About Hierarchy

In most cultures, relationships were only accepted as socially acceptable when there was a hierarchy, one partner was the valued one and the other wasn’t.

When it came to sexual relationships, it was all about who was passive or active. The passive one in the relationship was the one of less value. Whether it was male-female or male-male, the active one was seen as powerful and to be praised, while the passive one was to be humiliated, weak, inferior and of less value. Sometimes relationships would form out of these arrangements, but it wasn’t common and was always within a power distance.

All relationships were only accepted on the terms that there was a dominant one and a subordinate one. That is why an adult man would never be seen with another adult man. If the relationship was of equal status and age, it was hidden (we see this in ancient poetry, stories, and documents).

Same Sex Marriages in History

Same-sex marriages between partners of equal age and social status were honored and acknowledged in some parts of the world, such as among certain Native American tribes, while in others (like ancient Rome and Greece) they were largely hidden or discouraged.

Some argue that same-sex unions did exist in Rome and Greece, but most historical records suggest these relationships typically involved unequal age or social standing rather than mutual partnerships of equals.

• ROME (66 CE): Roman Emperor Nero took a slave boy named Sporus that Nero, castrated him and forced him to marry him, wear women’s clothing and pretend to be his dead wife (who Nero had kicked to death when she was pregnant). Nero also raped temple priests and committed incest with his mother. Not the best marriage example.

• “Plato’s Symposium” describes a long-term same sex relationship of a young boy and an older male. Their relationship was not exclusive and the story tells how the younger boy was “penetrated by many men”. 

• Achilles and Patroclus (homers Iliad) was not a commitment and not monogamous, as both men were also sleeping with females.

• Plato’s dialogue is a story of a relationship of an older man and a young boy who did not get married.

• The tale written by “Xenophon- an Ephesians tale” is a story of two young boys in love (teenagers) and who are hiding their love (same sex relationship were not allowed if both people were of the same age). They were hiding, so it was not a marriage.

• Novel “Achilles tatius” lovers of same age. Leucipoe and clitophon (20 and 16). They were in a relationship, but one was about to go marry a woman. A story of an affair before marriage.

• Encolpius and Ascyltos. Two older men that compete aggressively to have sex with a 16 year old boy, who was Encolpius’ slave.

• Lucian of Samosata novel. Two girls try to seduce a girl named Leaena to become a threesome. Leanna doesn’t understand how that would work, so finally Megilla tells Leaenna to think of her as a man, to get to sleep with them. Within that game as she pretends to be a man she says “I have been married to Demonassa for a long time” (satire).

Documented Same Sex Marriages

These first documented cases of same-sex marriages unions in ancient history are:

• SPAIN (1061): The first recorded same sex marriage (for love) is of two men (Pedro Díaz and Muño Vandilaz), who were married in a Catholic Church in Spain and blessed by the local priest. There were no more until the 20th century.

• AFRICA: The Igbo and Yoruba people (Nigeria) and the Nandi People (Kenya) allowed women to legally marry women. One woman was expected to take the male role in the relationship. Lovedu People (South Africa) had a queen that was only allowed to marry a woman. The Azande people (Sudan/Central Africa) were known have male-male marriages iwth young boys. Although sometimes temporary, they were formalized, with bride-price-like payments and social recognition.

• OCEANIA: Although not official marriages, the Indigenous Hawai‘i (Kanaka Maoli) had same sex Aikāne unions, which involved public acknowledgment and exclusive bonds. Indigenous Andes (Inca and earlier civilizations) also had ritualized same-sex partnerships were recognized, often linked to shamanism or spiritual gifting. These were not “marriages” as we define them, but they held clear communal recognition.

A History Lesson by Kathy Baldock

How did we get to where we are? Kathy Baldock offers a 5 hour seminary (divided into these two videos) to explain the mess we’ve gotten ourselves into:

A Messy History

What we see in Scripture is not a timeless divine blueprint for marriage, but a reflection of the cultural, political, and economic realities of ancient times. From polygamy and slavery-based unions to strategic alliances and forced marriages, the Bible contains many types of relationships that we would never accept today.

The heart of Christian marriage today isn’t about hierarchy, gender roles, or ancient customs. It’s about covenant, faithfulness, mutual love, and reflecting God’s image together.

If we look at history honestly, we see that marriage has always changed. What must remain constant, though, is love: sincere, sacrificial, faithful, committed, Spirit-filled love. That’s what God honors. That’s what Jesus points to.