Q & A

“Aren’t you calling what is evil, good?”

Isaiah 5:20 warns, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil.” So is that what we are doing here?

No. We are not claiming that sin is good, nor are we redefining evil. What we are asking is a more careful and necessary question. What, exactly, does Scripture identify as sin, and which actions fall under that category?

We believe faithfulness requires humility. That means taking seriously the possibility that some things long labeled as sinful may have been misunderstood. Scripture itself cautions us not to call unclean what God has declared clean, and not to label as evil what God has called good.

It is also important to notice the context of Isaiah’s warning. The prophet was addressing leaders who used religious language and legal power to justify oppression. Just a few chapters later, Isaiah pronounces judgment on those who “make unjust laws” and “deprive people of their rights,” targeting systems that harm the vulnerable and exclude those deemed unclean.

Isaiah consistently redirects attention away from ritual purity and toward justice, mercy, and faithfulness. His message reminds us that God is not honored when Scripture is used to burden, marginalize, or harm people in His name.

“What areas did you study?”

As we began the journey of discerning what God says about homosexuality, gay marriage, and transgender people, we studied the following five areas:

  • Scripture contains six passages that address same-sex behavior. We examined whether any of these texts explicitly prohibit all same-gender sexual relationships, including those within a covenantal marriage.
  • Scripture speaks about marriage in both the Old and New Testaments. We studied whether the Bible explicitly commands a two-gender marriage or explicitly prohibits same-sex marriage.
  • Scripture is sometimes silent on certain issues and does not address every reality directly. We explored how biblical sexual ethics are meant to be applied faithfully when specific details are not spelled out.
  • We studied the scientific research related to sexual orientation and gender identity.
  • We studied the historical presence of gay and transgender people across cultures and throughout recorded history.

For a full list of our studies, visit this page.

“Are you open to being wrong?”

Yes, absolutely. Our journey of learning about God, His will for our lives, and our understanding of Scripture will never be finished. We are always open to reconsidering our conclusions if someone can show us, from Scripture, where we are mistaken.

If any of you are open to discussion, have questions, or believe we have misunderstood or misinterpreted something, we would genuinely welcome that conversation and would be honored to hear from you. We simply ask that you first engage with our reasoning and then let us know specifically where you believe we have gone wrong. Disagreement that does not interact with how we arrived at our conclusions is of limited value. Our goal is not to argue, but to seek faithfulness together, with humility, love, and respect for both Scripture and the people affected by how it is interpreted.

“What about the Bible verses that mention homosexuality?”

There are only six passages in the Bible that directly address same-sex behavior:

None of these speak about sexual orientation, same-sex attraction, or loving, committed relationships. Each of these texts describes actions or situations that would also be considered immoral within a heterosexual context.

For that reason, we do not believe they can be used to determine God’s will regarding faithful, covenantal same-sex relationships.

“Did having gay children cloud your judgement?”

It is true that our children coming out prompted us to finally examine this issue more closely, but it did not start our journey, nor did it alter our commitment to being faithful to Scripture.

Personal connection can cloud judgment, but so can disconnection. Those without personal connection can be just as biased, remaining detached from the human cost of their conclusions. This was true for me. I was detached and unaware of how the teaching I accepted was affecting real people.

All forms of personal connection can shape interpretation, including loyalty to a non-affirming community. The voices of tradition, family, friends, or leaders can influence the lens through which we read Scripture, often causing us to hear only certain perspectives while missing truths that do not fit the dominant narrative. Social belonging can quietly become a filter that distorts our reading of God’s Word.

Personal connection, on its own, guarantees nothing. We know parents with gay children who have never reexamined Scripture and, in some cases, have even rejected their children because they listen only to their church’s voice.

“Doesn’t LGBTQ sexual immorality prove it’s wrong?”

Does behavior determine doctrine?

For many people, this question immediately brings to mind images of pride parades with sexualized displays, widespread promiscuity, or even horrific abuses. While those images are often exaggerated or misapplied, the deeper question remains. Should the behavior of some define biblical morality for all?

If a group of heterosexual people engage in sexual immorality, does that make all heterosexual relationships sinful? Of course not. In the same way, the sinful behavior of some LGBTQ people cannot be used to judge all LGBTQ relationships.

Behavior does not determine doctrine. If it did, we would be forced to abandon nearly every biblical teaching, since no group consistently lives up to God’s standards. Scripture defines truth, not the level of human obedience to it. Biblical truth remains true even when people fail to live it faithfully.

“Is AIDS a punishment for homosexuality?”

Does homosexuality cause AIDS?

It’s good to know some facts here.

  • There are serious sexually transmitted diseases that spread through heterosexual sex as well, but that does not automatically mean heterosexuality is a sin.
  • If AIDS was a homosexual punishment, why does it only affect the men? The estimated Percentage of HIV Diagnoses in the USA are only 1% lesbians (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).
  • The first case of AIDS was in 1981, but gay people have existed for centuries.
  • Black Americans experience disproportionately higher rates of AIDS diagnoses and deaths compared to White Americans.
  • AIDS affects heterosexual people as well: 22% (7% heterosexual men and 15% heterosexual women).
  • There is no scientific basis for the belief that homosexuality causes AIDS. This misconception has been thoroughly discredited by decades of medical research and public health data.

“Are same-sex marriages a harm to children?”

The prevailing body of scientific research supports the conclusion that children raised by same-sex parents are just as healthy and well-adjusted as those raised by different-sex parents, some even more well adjusted.

  • A comprehensive review of 17 studies from 2015 to 2022 found that there were no significant differences in mental health between children with same sex parents.
  • Research from the Netherlands found no significant differences in behavioral problems between children with same-sex and different-sex parents.
  • Studies noted that children of same-sex parents had fewer issues related to anxiety, depression, and social withdrawal compared to those with different-sex parents.
  • The National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study followed children conceived via donor insemination by lesbian mothers over 32 years, and found that these children were as psychologically healthy as their peers and exhibited higher levels of educational achievement.
  • One study found that children raised by same-sex parents from birth performed better academically in both primary and secondary education compared to those raised by different-sex parents.
  • An Australian study reported that children in same-sex parent families scored higher on measures of general behavior, general health, and family cohesion compared to population norms.

Children of same-sex parents may face unique challenges related to societal stigma and discrimination, which can impact their mental health. However, supportive family environments often mitigate these effects.

“What about the ex-gay people?”

John Paulk was an ex-gay voice for Focus on the Family, claiming he had changed and anyone can. He later renounced his claims and apologized, saying that although he had changed his outward behavior, he never was able to change his attraction to men.

Rosaria Butterfield, often featured by Focus on the Family, says she changed from gay to straight, but her story reflects more of a political and bisexual narrative. Before publicly stating she was as a lesbian, she had dated men in college and described herself as heterosexual. Later, she adopted a lesbian identity within a feminist framework, explaining that she viewed lesbianism as a more ethical alternative to heterosexuality because she associated it with egalitarianism and freedom from patriarchy. After becoming a Christian, she married a man and promotes the idea that sexual orientation can be changed. Critics note that her story aligns more closely with bisexual experience, attraction to both men and women, than with a change in sexual orientation. Because bisexual people are capable of forming relationships with either sex, their experiences differ significantly from those who experience exclusive same sex attraction and don’t have the option of changing.

Christopher Yuan, who describes himself as a “former homosexual,” often frames his past by equating being gay with drug use, prostitution, and addiction. This framing reinforces the false assumption that homosexuality itself is defined by promiscuity or destructive behavior. Yuan has publicly acknowledged that he does not experience heterosexual attraction, yet he continues to present homosexuality primarily through the lens of addiction and moral failure. In The Holy Sexuality Project, a project he created for young teens, he tells them that if they marry someone of the opposite sex, “God may later give you the feelings you need for just that one person,” a message that has had disastrous repercussions in people’s lives. If you’d like to see my personal un-edited notes on the whole project, we leave them here for you.

Can a gay person (only attracted to the opposite sex) change? Years of scientific research and recent discoveries this past decade have led nearly every major medical and psychological association to issue formal statements or policy positions affirming that homosexuality is not a mental illness and that attempts to change sexual orientation are ineffective and harmful.

The now-defunct ministry Exodus International once claimed they could change people’s orientation. After 37 years and over 600,000 participants, they shut down and issued a public apology. Former president Alan Chambers admitted, “No therapy, no ministry, no prayer meeting, no nothing, can change your sexual orientation.”

“But isn’t it unnatural?”

Even when the Bible is set aside, many people rely on a gut feeling that same sex relationships cannot be natural and allow that intuition to shape their theology. “The puzzle pieces do not fit,” they say. I have written an article on this topic titled The “Unnatural” Myth and philosopher John Corvino offers a helpful video presentation called What’s Morally Wrong with Homosexuality? What is considered “natural” for one person is not necessarily natural for another. No two people experience attraction or intimacy in exactly the same way.

Practices that feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable in one culture may be entirely ordinary in another. Something being uncommon or unfamiliar does not automatically make it morally wrong. Biology, history, and lived experience all show that human intimacy is not narrowly designed for a single pattern. Same sex affection is not a modern invention or a deviation from nature. It has been observed across cultures, species, the animal kingdom, anthropology and human kind.

Many argue that nature and biology should not be used to determine morality, yet those same voices often appeal to biology when it seems to support their conclusions. The irony is that biology itself tells a far more complex story than the one usually presented.

“Can you be gay and Christian?”

There is a true story of one of my favorite writers, C.S. Lewis. One of his closest friends since boyhood, Arthur Greeves was a Christian. C.S. Lewis was an atheist. Arthur did not preach at Lewis or pressure him into belief. Instead, he modeled a sincere, thoughtful, morally serious Christian faith during the years when Lewis was an atheist.

In Surprised by Joy and in their letters, Lewis describes how Greeves was one of the few Christians he respected while he was still an atheist. Arthur provided Lewis with a safe space to talk honestly about longing, desire, conscience, and belief without being shamed or coerced. Arthur Greeves’ faithful presence, intellectual companionship, and embodied Christianity helped soften Lewis’s resistance to faith. He was part of the soil in which Lewis’s eventual conversion took root.

It turns out that Arthur was also gay, a fact Lewis that knew and accepted. What an irony that one of the most influential Christian apologists of the twentieth century was shaped, in part, by a gay Christian whose faith endured without promise of change or social acceptance.

Being a Christian means belonging to Christ. The gospel has always been for people who come to Christ as they are. Justin Lee explains it here:

“Are gay marriage activists valuing marriage more than God?”

Advocating for the right to marry does not mean valuing marriage more than God. Wanting access to marriage is not the same as worshiping it.

History offers a helpful parallel. Not long ago, people also fought for the right to interracial marriage. They were not placing marriage above God. They were seeking equal access to a covenant and a legal institution that others already enjoyed. The issue was not idolatry, but justice.

In the same way, LGBTQ Christians who desire marriage are not elevating marriage over faith. They are asking to participate in the same commitments of love, fidelity, and mutual responsibility that the church has long honored. Seeking equal legal and spiritual recognition does not diminish devotion to God. It reflects a longing for dignity, belonging, and faithfulness within the life of the church.

“Is gay marriage a threat to heterosexual marriage?”

No. Allowing gay couples to marry does not prevent heterosexual marriages from happening. Straight people do not stop falling in love, getting married, or building families because same sex couples are allowed to do the same.

Marriage is not a limited resource. One couple’s commitment does not weaken another’s. Extending marriage to gay couples does not undermine heterosexual marriage. It simply allows more people to participate in the same values of love, faithfulness, and stability that marriage is meant to support.

“What do gay couples want?”

Gay couples want the same thing as everyone else: to love, be loved and to be able to celebrate that.

Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon (picture below) were the first same-sex couple to legally marry in San Francisco (February 12, 2004). They had been together for more than 50 years. They wanted what all married couples want. They wanted to be legally married, to have the rights of a married couple, to announce their commitment to each other and to their friends and family.

“Why are there more gay people in cities?”

Statistics often show higher numbers of openly gay people in cities, but this does not mean that more gay people are born there. Rather, gay people in rural areas are often less likely to disclose their sexual orientation. They may face greater social pressure, have less support from family or friends, and lack access to affirming community and resources.

Urban areas, by contrast, tend to offer more anonymity, stronger support networks, and better access to health care providers and social services experienced in working with LGBTQ people. Because of this, many gay people who grow up in rural communities do not come out until they move to a city where they feel safer and more supported.

What the data reflects is not where gay people exist, but where they are able to live openly.

“Is being gay the same as committing adultery”

No. Being gay describes who someone is attracted to, not an act of infidelity. Adultery is a behavior, not an orientation. It occurs when a person breaks a vow of faithfulness within a committed relationship.

A gay person can commit adultery in the same way a heterosexual person can, by being unfaithful to a spouse or partner. Likewise, a gay person can also live a life marked by commitment, faithfulness, and sacrificial love.

Two people of the same sex choosing to love, honor, and remain faithful to one another in a lifelong covenant are not committing adultery.

“Can’t gay people just force themselves to marry a straight person?”

Sexual orientation is not something a person can will themselves to change. Being gay is not simply a preference. People cannot choose or reverse it. So, asking someone to marry another person they are not capable of being attracted to, places them in a fundamentally unequal and often harmful situation. Some Christian leaders have encouraged this path. For example, Christopher Yuan, founder of The Holy Sexuality Project, has advised young Christians to marry someone of the opposite sex with the hope that attraction may follow. History and experience show that this approach has often led to deep pain, broken marriages, and lasting harm.

For those of us who are straight, it may be difficult to imagine marrying and being intimate with someone of the same sex. Yet that is precisely what is being asked of gay people. It is not something they can change through effort or discipline. Forcing this puts places people in situations that are emotionally, relationally, and spiritually damaging. It risks creating marriages without mutual attraction or consent and offers hope that is neither realistic nor responsible.

Research consistently shows higher divorce rates among gay people who marry someone of the opposite sex. In the rare cases where such marriages endure, psychologists suggest that those individuals are often bisexual rather than exclusively gay. Those exceptions do not outweigh decades of research on sexual orientation change efforts, nor the countless stories of marriages marked by pain, confusion, and loss.

Marriage should be a place of mutual love, honesty, and faithfulness, not a test of endurance or denial.

“Should gay people only have their identity in Christ?”

All Christians are called to find their ultimate identity in Christ. That does not mean every other part of who we are disappears or becomes illegitimate.

Most of us hold multiple identities at the same time. A Canadian Christian may rightly identify as Canadian. A parent may identify as a mother or father. A person may identify as an artist, a pastor, or a survivor of hardship. None of these identities replace Christ. They describe aspects of a life shaped by culture, experience, and calling.

Sexual orientation functions in a similar way. For gay people, it describes a real and enduring aspect of their experience, not a rival allegiance to Christ. Acknowledging that reality does not mean elevating it above faith, nor does it diminish devotion to Jesus.

Having an identity in Christ means that Christ shapes how every part of our lives is lived, not that every other descriptor must be erased. The question is not whether someone names their experience honestly, but whether their life is being formed by love, humility, faithfulness, and obedience to God.

Christ does not ask us to deny our humanity in order to follow Him. He meets us within it and transforms us there.

“How do we know what is false teaching?”

esus repeatedly warned His disciples to be discerning about what they believe and who they listen to. Scripture echoes this concern. First John 4:1 instructs us, “Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

The Bible gives us several clear markers for recognizing false teaching.

False teaching leads people away from God rather than toward Him
(Deuteronomy 13:1–3, Jeremiah 23:26–27)

False teaching distorts or twists the gospel, the message of salvation
(Galatians 1:6–9, 2 Peter 3:16)

False teaching distracts from salvation by shifting focus away from Christ
(2 Corinthians 11:3–4, Matthew 23:13)

False teaching adds to Scripture what God has not said
(Proverbs 30:6, Revelation 22:18)

False teaching relies on deception to make its case
(Jeremiah 23:25–26, Ezekiel 13:6)

False teaching denies or diminishes the person and work of Jesus
(2 Peter 2:1, 1 John 4:1–3)

False teaching implies that Jesus is not enough and that salvation must be earned
(John 14:6, Galatians 2:16)

False teaching does not align with the whole witness of Scripture
(Isaiah 8:20, Acts 17:11)

False teaching pushes people away from the gospel rather than drawing them toward it
(Matthew 23:15, 2 Corinthians 11:13–15)

False teaching produces harmful fruit rather than good fruit
(Matthew 7:15–20, Luke 6:43–44)

Jesus Himself said, “You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes or figs from thistles? In the same way, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit” (Matthew 7:16–17).

We are called to remain attentive, humble, and discerning, testing all teaching carefully against Scripture, always seeking truth rather than comfort, and faithfulness rather than familiarity.

“What is a bisexual and can’t they just choose the “right gender”?”

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