Yup. We’re going there.
There are some loving couples that chose to not engage sexually.
But let’s be honest, most do.
Desire for sexual intimacy is part of how God made humankind.
So, deep breath, we’re about to talk about sex.
And really, it’s kinda one of the main questions everyone silently asks on this subject, right?
“But the puzzle pieces don’t fit!” we often hear.
So ok. Let’s address it.
If this makes anyone uncomfortable, we understand. Please feel free to skip this page or can return to it later if you wish.
A few ground rules
Approaching this topic is not without much consideration, prayer and thought, and we don’t want to address this sensitive and private issue without first setting some ground rules.
We are speaking about sex within a committed, loving, and faithful relationship, not some random orgies in a back ally.
This is a safe space, where all feel respected and protected, without fear of judgment, discrimination, or harm. Respect is non-negotiable: We’re talking about real people, real bodies, and real experiences. Dehumanizing is not accepted and we ask the reader not assume the worst of others.
Curiosity over condemnation: It’s okay to have questions. But it is not ok to condemn or judge.
No shame allowed: For some, the topic of sex has been a source of pain, confusion, or silence in your life. We believe that sex is a gift from God, and we were made for sexual pleasure. This is a grace-filled space.
Diverse experiences exist: Not everyone has the same story. What’s true for one person may not be true for another. Do not assume what sex is between one couple and another. What happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom, and is not applicable to all. Not all same sex couples are sexual intimate the same way, just like heterosexual couples vary in their sex life.
“But it’s not natural”
Some believe only heterosexual sex is “natural”. But where do we get this thought from? Just because something is more common in someone’s view, does anything that differs from that “unnatural”? There are many things one would consider “unnatrual” when visiiting foregin countries around the world, but just because it’s unnatural to, does not mean it is unnatural to them, or unnatural to life itself. So, we must approach this question with logic and grace.
Homosexual sex has been common since the world was documented. It is even common in the animal kingdom, with over 1,500 species of animals which exhibiting homosexual behavior, including courtship, pair bonding, and sexual activity between individuals of the same sex. So if we’re going to talk about the natural world, it’s there. It’s in the natural world. But let’s look at the human world.
For a gay person, heterosexual sex is not natural. Just like a straight person would struggle being forced to have sex with a person of the same gender.
We cannot assume that what is good or natural for us, is the same for all. A monkey cannot put a fish in the tree to save it from drowning. That monkey must realize that what is natural for him, is not maybe natural for the fish.
What is Sex?
Different people would define “sex” differently. We believe it is any consensual sexual activity in which people share physical intimacy and erotic connection. It involves actions, experiences, or expressions that are sexual in nature, not limited to one position, penetration or action. Sex can include any contact, stimulation, or other forms of physical or emotional intimacy that are intentionally sexual. Sex is always mutual agreed upon by both parties, or else we call it abuse.
Sex is about intimacy, arousal, pleasure, vulnerability, and connection. It is a consensual act of shared sexual intimacy, whatever form that takes between the people involved.
The History of Sex
SEX BEFORE MIDDLE AGES
Before the Middle Ages, sex was understood very differently, especially in the Greco-Roman world, where it was less about morality and more about power, dominance, and social roles. Men were generally free to have sex with women, boys, or slaves, as long as they were the dominant partner. In contrast, Jewish tradition viewed sex within marriage as good, with fewer shame-based rules.
St. Augustine brought a new wave, teaching that sex was tied to sin, with bodily desire viewed as a threat to spiritual purity. This marked a dramatic shift from the more permissive, status-based sexual culture of the ancient world to the strict, regulated, and shame-laden views of the Middle Ages. Greek and Roman philosophers like Plato and the Stoics began to frame sexual desire as something that should be restrained, which later influenced early Christian thinkers.
SEX DURING THE MIDDLE AGES
Sex in the Middle Ages was rarely about love or pleasure—it was primarily about procreation, and even that came with strict rules. There were restrictions on when and how to have sex.
There were so many restrictions on when you could have sex, that very few options were left. It was forbidden during Lent, Advent, feast days, fast days, Wednesdays, Fridays, Sundays, before receiving communion, during menstruation, pregnancy, after childbirth, and during thunderstorms. The timing was meant to preserve spiritual purity, but it often left married couples with only a handful of “acceptable” days in a year.
Even within marriage, sex was not to be enjoyed and was for procreation only. A man and woman were discouraged from enjoying it too much, though. Too much pleasure could edge into sin. Couples were told not to make noise or lose control. And yet, it was believed that both the man and the woman had to climax in order for a baby to be conceived. The church ranked sexual positions on a spectrum of holiness. Missionary was considered the most godly. Any other position was labeled as perverse or even demonic.
Sodomy laws included laws against a husband and wife experiencing pleasure during sex, enjoying it too much, oral sex, sex outside of marriage.
Sex was shameful. Laypeople were allowed sex, but only under a cloud of shame, caution, and rules. Pleasure was suspect, passion was dangerous, and even the holiest of unions—marriage—came with a long list of do’s and don’ts that could leave couples spiritually anxious and physically confused.
SEX FROM 1500-2025
The Reformation (1500s) challenged some of the Church’s authority but largely upheld traditional views on sexuality. Reformers like Martin Luther elevated marriage and taught that sexual intimacy within marriage was a gift from God, not something to be merely tolerated for procreation. Within marriage, sex was no longer shameful or a sin. The Enlightenment (1700s) began to shift the conversation, emphasizing reason, individual rights, and scientific inquiry. In the 1800s, Victorian morality imposed strict sexual codes, especially for women, idealizing purity while stigmatizing desire. But by the 20th century, sex became more openly studied and discussed. Freud introduced theories of sexuality as central to human identity, while the 1960s sexual revolution, birth control, feminism, and LGBTQ+ activism radically reshaped cultural norms. By 2025, sex is recognized not just as a biological act, but as a complex interplay of identity, consent, pleasure, and power—viewed through scientific, psychological, theological, and sociopolitical lenses.
What does the Bible say about sex?
These are the rules we found in the Bible for sex:
Nothing that harms
If it causes emotional, physical, or spiritual harm, it’s not love, and it’s not biblical.
“Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” (Romans 13:10)
Mutual consent
Both people say yes, freely, fully, and without pressure. Biblical love is never coerced.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.” (Philippians 2:3)
Faithfulness
One should not be unfaithful to their partner
Exodus 20:14; Deuteronomy 5:18, 1 Corinthians 7:2-5
Honoring the image of God in each other
Every person is sacred. Sex should never degrade, dominate, or dehumanize.
“So God created humans in his image…” (Genesis 1:27)
Joy and delight matter
Biblical sex isn’t supposed to be joyless or purely functional. God celebrates pleasure, playfulness, and connection.
Truthfulness
No manipulation. No pretending. No using sex to get something or cover something up.
“Speak the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:15)
Freedom from shame
Shame was never God’s design for sex. Vulnerability, not fear, is where intimacy thrives.
“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:25)
Love
At its core, biblical sexuality is love. The heart of God’s design for sex isn’t just about physical acts or legal structures, but about faithful, honor, self-giving, covenantal love that reflects God’s own nature. Any sexual ethic that forgets love at the center misses the point entirely.
Marriage is more than sex
In fact, some marriages don’t include sex. Although not common, there are some couples who chose celibate marriages, committing to live together without sex, focused on companionship and service to God. The reasons for this are personal to them, but could include spiritual decisions they make, some are not able to due to physical abnormalities, illness, one or both didn’t have the any sexual urges to begin with, or have lost the ability or desire to have sex. Whether the reasons or physical, psychological, spiritual, or other, a union of two people can be intimate and holy whether there is sexual intercourse or not.
Marriage is first and foremost about companionship. While sex is usually an important part of a marriage, it’s not the only central piece.
Think about an elderly widower reflecting on his late wife. What he misses most likely isn’t the sex; it’s the morning coffee together, the quiet walks, the shared jokes, the simple presence of someone who knew and loved him. It’s the comfort of being known, the warmth of being held, the daily companionship that made life feel whole. It’s the hope to grow old together, and to life each other up. It’s friendship. It’s romance. It’s intimacy. It’s about knowing and being known. It’s the companionship that Adam was looking for in the garden of Eden.
Sometimes illness hits or a couple becomes unable to have sex. This doesn’t mean their marriage is nullified or they can’t have intimacy or romance.
When we tell someone they can never have this kind of lifelong partnership, do we really think what they’re grieving is the sex?
What makes sex “proper”?
Ah, the big question. What counts as sex? Some people think that no one can be fully married until sex happens. Not only that, but it’s a certain kind of sex that has to happen.
Let’s look at what the Bible has to say about it:
PHYSICAL DESIGN
Can two people experience sexual pleasure, intimacy and connection without one particular sexual act? Science says yes. Human experience says yes. And frankly, history says yes too. The continued existence of same-sex relationships, across cultures and centuries, shows that people are capable of deep sexual and emotional intimacy beyond the heterosexual definition. The reason people seek this kind of connection isn’t because they’re misinformed—it’s because it works. It’s pleasurable, bonding, and meaningful. And maybe that tells us something about how God designed intimacy to be far richer than a single act.
BIBLICAL DESIGN
So what is the biblical design for sex? Beyond the foundational values of love, mutual respect, and faithfulness, Scripture gives remarkably little detail about the specific mechanics of sex. In fact, the most vivid depictions of sexual intimacy appear in Song of Songs, and they focus on kissing, touching, longing, and delighting in one another’s bodies, not on a specific act. These expressions of intimacy can be experienced in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.
Nowhere does the Bible lay out rules for how to enjoy sexual intimacy within a committed relationship, nor does it state that intercourse (or “consummation”) is required for a marriage to be valid. (See our earlier section on what it means to become “one flesh.”)
The biblical design cares far more about the quality of the relationship than the specific acts themselves.
Disclaimer Before you Continue
For the purposes of clarity and biological reference, when we refer to female-female sex, we are describing interactions involving two people with vaginas, and when we refer to male-male sex, we are referring to interactions involving two people with penises. We recognize, with full respect and affirmation, that not all women have vaginas and not all men have penises.
If you are new to the subject on the science of gender, see here. Our choice of language here is simply a functional one, used to describe certain kinds of bodies and how they may engage sexually. It is not intended to reduce anyone’s identity to their body parts or to deny the full dignity of transgender and nonbinary people. Wherever possible, we aim to use language that honors both body diversity and gender identity with care and compassion.
Genitals Designed For Procreation
Yes, it’s true that male and female genitals are biologically designed to enable procreation. But that design does not imply a command that they must only be used for that purpose, or that not using them for reproduction is somehow wrong.
Our bodies include many organs and features that serve multiple purposes—or sometimes aren’t used at all. A person born mute may use their hands to speak. Someone without hands may use their feet to eat. Using parts of the body in creative or non-reproductive ways is not inherently sinful.
Design does not determine morality. To understand what is right or wrong, we look not just to biology, but to Scripture, to the character of God and the call to love, justice, faithfulness, and care.
Scripture, not anatomy, is our guide to discern what honors God.
Female-Female Sex
When conversations about same-sex relationships come up, many people find female–female intimacy easier to accept than male–male relationships. This isn’t new. In ancient cultures, same-sex activity between men was discussed and regulated far more than between women. Female-female intimacy, on the other hand, was rarely mentioned or legislated. Culturally, people didn’t pay much attention to what women were doing behind closed doors.
So why such a difference in how people respond to lesbian relationships? Some of it comes down to assumptions and biases:
“Not Real Sex”: Female–female intimacy has often been dismissed as “not real sex” or not threatening to male dominance. That misunderstanding can make it more socially tolerated—but also deeply minimized.
Eroticized and Misunderstood: Instead of being taken seriously, lesbian relationships are frequently fetishized—viewed through a lens of male desire rather than genuine love and connection.
Sexism: Women are still stereotyped as being less sexual, more emotional, and less assertive—so their relationships are seen as gentler or more acceptable, even though this overlooks the depth and diversity of lesbian intimacy.
Ultimately, female–female relationships have often been tolerated not because they’re better understood, but because they’ve been misunderstood—treated as either insignificant or erotic. In contrast, male–male intimacy disrupts the very power structures that many people unconsciously hold onto.
Male-Male Sex
While female–female relationships are often minimized or romanticized, male–male intimacy tends to stir far more discomfort—especially in religious and cultural spaces. This isn’t a new phenomenon. In many ancient cultures, male same-sex activity was widely acknowledged, but it was typically tied to unequal power dynamics—an older man with a younger male, often in the context of dominance, status, or exploitation. Condemnation usually focused on two adult men of equal standing engaging in intimacy, as this defied strict gender hierarchies.
But much of our modern discomfort with male–male relationships doesn’t come from Scripture—it comes from cultural assumptions:
Power and Submission: Many people have internalized the idea that sex is inherently about control. When two men engage in mutual intimacy, it challenges that framework and forces us to rethink roles built on dominance vs. passivity.
Fear of Identification: Some straight men fear being perceived as gay themselves, which fuels strong reactions to any male affection—whether physical or emotional.
Masculinity and Power: Male–male intimacy confronts deep ideas about masculinity. If men are supposed to be dominant, then one being vulnerable, tender, or receptive in a sexual context is seen as a violation of what it means to “be a man.”
Fear and Stigma: The trauma and misinformation surrounding the HIV/AIDS crisis of the 1980s still casts a long shadow of deep-rooted homophobia, often fueling fear-based associations with male–male sex.
At its core, the discomfort many people feel toward male–male intimacy is not about the presence of sin, but about the challenge to masculinity. Two men loving one another in tenderness and equality doesn’t fit the old blueprint, and that makes people uncomfortable. But discomfort is not the same as unrighteousness.
Understanding the male body
As we continue this conversation, the subject may push some of us, but it can also free us, especially from the shame, fear, or misinformation that has too often taken the place of honest understanding. We want to approach it with clarity, compassion, and respect for both those who have lived this experience, while also being sensitive to those who may be wrestling with how to understand it.
No matter what kind of sexual intimacy we’re talking about—straight or gay—it’s important to remember that intimacy looks different for everyone. Each person and each couple is unique. For some, sex is part of the relationship; for others, it’s not. And when it is, there isn’t just one “right” way to experience pleasure. There are many ways couples connect, and all of them deserve respect.
Regardless of these facts, for many heterosexual people, it is the male-male sexual intimacy that brings more discomfort talking about than female-female. And the most unspoken question is usually, how does the puzzle work. While not all male-male couples engage in anal sex, it is true that some do. What many heterosexual people are not aware of, though, is that God created the male body with an erogenous zone in the prostate, sometimes referred to as the “male G-spot.”
This isn’t a flaw or an accident in human design. It’s simply anatomy. R.D. Weekly discusses this in his book Homosexianity and John Corvino addresses it in one of his videos. This part of the male body contains pleasure receptors that were created by God, just like every other parts of our bodies. So when people argue that certain kinds of sex are “unnatural,” it’s worth asking: If God designed the body, why would He include pleasure in a place He didn’t intend to be touched?
The real discomfort doesn’t come from biology. It comes from cultural taboos and inherited assumptions. When we don’t have clear information, we often fill in the blanks with fear or judgment. The invitation here is simple: if we’re going to speak about sexuality, let’s be well-informed, compassionate, and humble enough to admit what we may not fully understand.
What Happens In The Bedroom…
No matter what, let us all respect people and give them privacy. What happens in the bedroom, should stay in the bedroom. It is none of our business what people do sexually, unless someone is being harmed. When a man and woman embark to their honeymoon after the wedding, is it any of our business what exactly they are going to do and when? It’s not.
What is holy?
For too long, conversations about sex have been shaped more by shame, fear, and misinformation than by biblical truth or compassion.
The Bible doesn’t define proper sex by specific body parts or one particular act. It defines it by love, faithfulness, mutual respect, and the honoring of one another as image-bearers of God. Too many people have been cast out, condemned, or questioned, not because they failed to honor God, but because their love didn’t follow a traditional script. If God’s design for sex is rooted in covenantal love, honesty, and mutual care, then same-sex couples who embody those values are not violating God’s plan. They are living it.
What happens in the bedroom between two loving, faithful people isn’t ours to police. It’s theirs to steward, before God, with grace, integrity, and joy. And that is holy.
Faithfulness
We believe that the Bible as a whole teaches that sex is a sacred, designed by God to be experienced within the covenant of faithfulness: not as a restriction, but as a gift that protects and honors the dignity of both partners.